{Dissonance}

I need the age-old comfort, and I don’t want to turn to you

I ache for assurance, and I don’t believe in you like I used to

I long for light, and I am finding fragments of peace in the crevices of this darkness

I want to go, and I burn to stay

I desire to fly high, and I am dizzy with hunger to dig my roots down deep

I love, and I hate

I am authentic, and I live behind large masks

I am dying from moments passed, and I am anticipating moments to come

I want to be seen, and I want to hide forever

I want to be heard, and I don’t know my own voice

I hope to be valued, and I need to be invisible

I tremble to see the colors, and I am ravenous to paint it all black

I am desperate for touch, and I am balled up in anger jerking away from the pleasure

I am screaming as my throat sizzles, and I am whispering so as not to be heard

I am running, and I am chained

I am frozen in place, and I am in a tailspin

I need the words to come alive, and I want to spit the words out

I confront, and I hide

I laugh, and I cry searing drops

I trust, and I have mile high walls

I want to draw close to the tender heat, and I am hunkering down in this blizzard of a heart as I begin to feel at home here

I have passion to travel the world, and I could curl up in a ball and sleep a million years

I could rally a swirl of music around me to last forever, and I long for silence in the chaos

I don’t recognize my face anymore, and I’m seeing myself as I really am more and more each day

I am committed, and I dream of running away

I want to live life to it’s absolute fullest, and I crave the journey’s end

I am giddy with the joy of mothering, and I am plunging the depths of despair

I see my blessings, and I grieve deeply

I am grateful beyond words, and I am in a pit of depression nothing can penetrate

Life is beautiful, and life is a terror of veracity

I am monochromatic, and I am superb color

Where are you in the midst of it all?

Where is my emancipation? Is it coming?

{Hope Wood 2014}

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