{Dissonance}
I need the age-old comfort, and I don’t want to turn to you
I ache for assurance, and I don’t believe in you like I used to
I long for light, and I am finding fragments of peace in the crevices of this darkness
I want to go, and I burn to stay
I desire to fly high, and I am dizzy with hunger to dig my roots down deep
I love, and I hate
I am authentic, and I live behind large masks
I am dying from moments passed, and I am anticipating moments to come
I want to be seen, and I want to hide forever
I want to be heard, and I don’t know my own voice
I hope to be valued, and I need to be invisible
I tremble to see the colors, and I am ravenous to paint it all black
I am desperate for touch, and I am balled up in anger jerking away from the pleasure
I am screaming as my throat sizzles, and I am whispering so as not to be heard
I am running, and I am chained
I am frozen in place, and I am in a tailspin
I need the words to come alive, and I want to spit the words out
I confront, and I hide
I laugh, and I cry searing drops
I trust, and I have mile high walls
I want to draw close to the tender heat, and I am hunkering down in this blizzard of a heart as I begin to feel at home here
I have passion to travel the world, and I could curl up in a ball and sleep a million years
I could rally a swirl of music around me to last forever, and I long for silence in the chaos
I don’t recognize my face anymore, and I’m seeing myself as I really am more and more each day
I am committed, and I dream of running away
I want to live life to it’s absolute fullest, and I crave the journey’s end
I am giddy with the joy of mothering, and I am plunging the depths of despair
I see my blessings, and I grieve deeply
I am grateful beyond words, and I am in a pit of depression nothing can penetrate
Life is beautiful, and life is a terror of veracity
I am monochromatic, and I am superb color
Where are you in the midst of it all?
Where is my emancipation? Is it coming?
{Hope Wood 2014}
~
thank you.
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🙂
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So much of this resonated with me, with where I am, with who I am. Sitting with you in the tension.
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Thank you xo
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I, too, at times feel like this. I thought I’d lost God somewhere in the mix of all the pain. I asked him this question … ‘have i lost you?’ he said ‘no’. i cried. more. he is with you. he doesn’t leave us in our pain and he doesn’t take it away either. but he brings comfort in the midst of it. love your honesty and the depths of vulnerability that you share. may i suggest you ask God the question in your heart. much love.
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Oh trust me, I’ve asked and will keep asking 🙂
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I like the contrast. It really shows the war we wage inside of ourselves.
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Thx Monica 🙂
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Oh yes, a war it certainly is.
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diving deep with these words. beautiful!
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Thank you marvia xo
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Heartbreakingly (is that a word?) beautiful! The contrasts are so vivid, I can almost feel the dissonance. ((Hugs)) Love you ❤
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Thank you gayl xo
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