I don’t know what to feel about my life today
I’m supposed to be joyous without end
They say an attitude can be 100% chosen
I say sometimes life is like navigating a war zone.
I don’t choose the bombs or when or where they hit
But I choose to get back up when I can and learn to live again among the changing terrain
Life is more palatable I suppose to those who live within the black and white
For those of us who got sick to death of the absolutes
Who got hurled into the gray areas
We know now life defined by managed emotions and boxed-in worlds is really no life at all
We all spend time in the black and white spaces
There are seasons and years we can see only those colors
Then life happens and all the other colors come upon us
Colors of joy
Colors of grief
Colors of gray
Colors of a heart in need of surgery yet the tools necessary seem to have been mysteriously hidden
As though the scavenger hunt for real life is a game to figure
Sometimes we try mixing the colors
Sometimes even more beauty is revealed
Other times beauty is covered up and un-mixing cannot be done
Sometimes the black just needs to experienced as black
The white as white
The fuchsia as fuchsia
A canvas of colors
Each not knowing fully the others
Each a world unto its own
I don’t know what to feel about my life today
Maybe that’s okay
Maybe I will allow the colors to come
Whatever they may be
Whatever shade they are today
Whatever intensity
Maybe I will mix in a little white
Maybe I will mix in a little black
I’m a myriad of colors
A castle of palettes
I will be present in my life today
I will do what can be done that really matters
I will live, I will love, I will extend grace, I will soak in what I can, I will breathe out what I cannot
Today is a good day.

{Hope Wood © 2014}

(*image source google, linked within image*)