{Passing By}

“No one can tell what goes on in between the person you were and the person you become. No one can chart that blue and lonely section of @#!*% . There are no maps of the change. You just come out the other side. Or you don’t.”
(Stephen King, The Stand)

passing you by while doing good work

acknowledging yet never really seeing you

maybe glimpses are caught yet quickly dismissed

maybe flickers of something more, yet quickly drowned out

smiles rarely reaching beyond the surface

how-are-you’s not getting to the messy spaces

if the messy seeps through you are often quickly delegated out

status quo cannot be challenged, not really challenged

you don’t fit the mold

you don’t act the part, look the part, or talk the talk

cogs in a machine, where can they plug you in?

they believe they are on the right path, the best path

they believe they are doing what needs to be done

they believe they are really expressing love in its truest form

but people are overlooked

people are passed by

people are preached at yet not into

people are externally rearranged yet internally bleeding out

people are connected by titles and who knows who, yet hearts ignored

i know i have a fickle heart

i know i have bitterness that chases me

i know i have my past

but i know i have a beauty that is worth it

i have a future that is redemptive, and a now that is needing some hands in mine

but where does real connection happen if not in the messes and surprising joys?

where does love happen if not in the wounds and rivers of healing?

what happened to weeping with those who weep and rejoicing with those who rejoice?

was it all really meant to be more of a business and less of about relationships?

is life more about numbers and outfits and status and less about living, growing, and changing all towards our Creator?

i have tasted community, i know it exists

but here i stand now with most of those people gone as well

life happens and circumstances change

but was the closeness there even a mirage as best too?

when the rubber meets the road and the heart needs cheering, where are they?

maybe this is the best it can be this side of the eternal?

i just cannot accept that, i believe there is more to be had

more to love, more to redeem, more to embrace

i’m tired, i’m weary, i’m seeing through the lies, seeing through the facades

not everyone is like this, they can’t be

there is still hope, there are still people willing to go into the narrow spaces with us

there are still people who will love you beyond a cursory glance and surface hug

there have to be

there are still people who will call a spade a spade, who will love you into the best you that you can be

and who will let you love them in return

there are still people who will not turn their backs when the truth becomes clear

there are still people who will love me for me and not what i can do for them

there are still people who will not be consistently ungracious, who ask questions, who see the beauty unfolding

there have to be

where are they?

no more listening to the critics, the naysayers, the ones who always think they are right

love is my goal

relationship is my goal

i won’t always get it right either but may i always have feet firmly planted where love is growing

i must have more space to breathe now, more space to pursue the beauty

i will keep pressing in

i have to

life is beautiful, it always has been, it always will be

i will not be passed by any longer, it will no longer be me who always to blame

i am not bad

i did not deserve this treatment

my shame-walk is on its last lap

cheer me on if you will

we need one another

join me in my metanoia

i am coming together as i am unraveling

i am shedding off as i am relearning

i am running from the lies as i am coming home to myself

i will not pass by mySelf any longer

(Hope Wood)

“I must be a mermaid…I have no fear of depths and a great fear of shallow things.” (Anais Nin)

“The glory of God is the human person fully alive.”
(Irenaeus of Lyons)