{Silent Tears}

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“God is only our name for it, and the closer we get to it the more it ceases to be God. So then you are on a real safari with the wildness and danger and otherness of God.” — John O’Donohue

I didn’t go inside the gate
I watched from outside the entrance
A young lady I was, 21
Saw him heal a man
Saw him talk with others
Is he who he says he is?
Can it all be true?
Is he a fake?
Is he for real?
He came towards me
Walked my way
I wondered who he really was
He passed through the gate
He approached me where I stood staring at him
The silent question hung in the air between us
Do you want to get well?
Yes I violently screamed without sound or movement
Always, I’ve always wanted it like my next breath
Why does the torture continue?
Why aren’t you revealing yourself to me?
Why have you grown mute?
Why am I even here?
Why have you come to stand before me?
He began to cry
His hand on my shoulder
No words, just tears
What is he saying without saying it?
What does this mean to him?
To me?
There is only silence
Ear-splitting silence
Compassion
Empathy
He knows the place I’m in
He came to me in the edges
He came to me in the frayed places
He didn’t pass me by
There was no disregard
There were no empty words
No platitudes
No false piety
No hollow religion
No pretense
No calculated arrows
Is love sometimes so deep words only cheapen?
Is sorrow sometimes so ragged words only taunt?
Has the silence been intentional?
Necessary?
Meant as a salve?
Meant to embody what words cannot?
Has my anger been unwarranted?
My response born of soul confusion?
Is resurrection really possible?
Dare I believe it?
If I take his hand in this place where will he lead me?
What comes after the silence and tears?
My spiritual reality is frozen in place here.
Here with the silence
Here with the tears
Here with his hand on my shoulder
Here with his gaze locked with mine
Will sound ever come from his lips?
Is this the end of my destiny?
Have I reached a place of no return?
Have I made a fatal step in my pursuit of him?
What is this?
I’m swirling around, catch me as I fall.
Collect my tears, my silent tears.

{Hope Wood © 2014}

“If answers are going to come, this is where they come from—the mystery of the moment. ” — Jeff Foster

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