{Swelling Up}


What if these words are being spoken directly to me from the One who created it all?

Could it be He is whispering things to my soul?

Is it really Him?


When the rain is blowing in your face,
And the whole world is on your case,
I could offer you a warm embrace
To make you feel my love.

When the evening shadows and the stars appear,
And there is no one there to dry your tears,
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love.

I know you haven’t made your mind up yet,
But I would never do you wrong.
I’ve known it from the moment that we met,
No doubt in my mind where you belong.

I’d go hungry; I’d go black and blue,
I’d go crawling down the avenue.
No, there’s nothing that I wouldn’t do
To make you feel my love.

The storms are raging on the rolling sea
And on the highway of regret.
The winds of change are blowing wild and free,
You ain’t seen nothing like me yet.

I could make you happy, make your dreams come true.
Nothing that I wouldn’t do.
Go to the ends of the Earth for you,
To make you feel my love
To make you feel my love 

~Make You Feel My Love” (by Adele)

It feels the whole world is on my case– to figure things out, to get my act together, to grow up, to do what I am supposed to do with my life, to just be grateful, to just just just.
And I haven’t made my mind up yet about God..I am in the dark, I don’t really know Him like I thought I did years ago.
The easy answers don’t work anymore, they haven’t for several long years.
The storms are raging in me, and the highway of regret seems endless.
The giving away of myself piece by piece, encounter by encounter…
I am scattered and broken, will I ever be whole?
The names and labels, the judgments and accusations, the rejection and disregard.
Oh the regrets.
But I accept it all, I accept myself with all my bruises, all my wounds, all my battle scars…
All that has been done to me and all that I have done to myself.
I accept.
I am here and I am calling out to my own soul long buried to come forth, come out, walk through the gate, walk into the field, you are being beckoned.
Can I do it?
Can I get up and go?
Is it even possible?
The winds of change are blowing wild and free, and I am hoping against hope that I truly yet haven’t seen anything like the God He is going to reveal Himself to be around the corner…
And that I haven’t seen anything yet like the me that is about to be unearthed.
It’s not all about God’s Love for me but that is a big piece of the foundation underneath the healing.
The healing is swelling up and rising, the tension is building.
It’s about to wash over me like the tide over the sand.
Oh how I desire for it to come.
When will it come?
When will He reveal Himself again, yet in a brand new way like never before?
I cannot go back to what I knew of Him before.
I cannot go back to the me I knew before.
Time split in two when death came onto the stage.
There is then and there is since then.
There is knowing Him and not knowing Him.
There is vision and there is silence.
There is joy and there is darkness.
There is me then and there is me now.
{Hope Wood © 2014}